CHAPTER EIGHT: The Joy and Terror in Knowing

So, I know that I’m pregnant. It’s amazing and wonderful and beyond super exciting.

And scary.

Both personally and in my close circle of friends, I’ve learned and experienced way too much about early-term pregnancy loss and miscarriage. It’s far more common that people realise. Mostly because not everyone talks about it, including me.

Despite having a blog and sharing my life on the internet, I’m a pretty private person. There is NO WAY I’ll be announcing this pregnancy until it is well and truly viable and outside the danger zone of the first few months where the statistics put reported miscarriages at 1 in 5 of ALL pregnancies.

I often say to people though, it’s YOUR news, control it the way you want. For me, I keep the news of our babies very very quiet because if we were to lose this baby I would want to keep to myself to reflect and grieve and recover without having to un-announce a baby.

For other people, sharing the news of the pregnancy and a subsequent potential loss to more people would give them a bigger pool of support to draw from if they needed it. Horses for Courses.

It seems cruel in a way.

Find out you’re pregnant.

Immediately fall in love with your tiny womb-raider.

Spend the next few months terrified they might die through no-one’s fault but nature’s whim.

I’m choosing to stay positive. It’s all I can do. Eat well, move lots, take the vitamins and rest.

Chilling out, hatching a human,

B xx

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CHAPTER SEVEN: Oh my God.

I don’t even know how to write this post. I’m not sure that I should.

But then, that’s what this whole raft of delayed blog posts has been about isn’t it? To help with the fear of this all being out in the open. To give me a buffer of time to process if things go wrong.

Because today, after a week of refusing to pee on sticks because I was losing my mind, I peed on a stick.

This stick:

private

Yep. There’s been some happy crying.

The stupid sticks were lying to me. I have been hatching a tiny human for 2-3 weeks and the sticks were lying. Or baby is stealthy? Like the Captain? Maybe I’m hatching a tiny ninja?

Speaking of the Captain, it’s his birthday in a few days. I’m going to keep super quiet about it until then and surprise him.

Best birthday present ever.

I’m so excited that I’m shaking.

Full of love and a tiny ninja,

B xx

CHAPTER SIX: Fall down 7 times, Stand Up 8

So I started peeing on sticks again.

I know, I know. It’s an issue.

I sometimes don’t discuss the levels of my crazy with The Captain, just the over-view. But yesterday morning he touched my tummy and asked if there might be a baby in there yet.

Nope.

How do you know?

I’ve done some tests.

Tests? Plural?

Hmmmm, like every morning for the last week including today.

But it’s only 7am now?

Yep, I got up at 4am and tested then in case it was different.

Gotta love someone who loves the type of crazy you are. He just hugs me and makes it okay.

I’m over the concern that I was losing hope. I know that I’ll be okay. Just a day away from the restart today and this saying is one of the most fitting I know.

Fall down 7 times, stand up 8

Keep on keeping on. No more peeing on sticks for a few weeks. But I’m standing back up.

B xx

CHAPTER FIVE: The Two Week Wait that Isn’t What I was Expecting

20/08/2015

Yeppers. I’m not chiming in here with excited pics of positive tests or ridiculously cloying birth announcements (don’t think for a second those posts and pics aren’t mentally planned and perhaps Pinterested away),

There is this evil time of month for every woman trying to fall pregnant. Well, at least one of the evil times, depending on your level of desperation.

For some, I understand the arrival of a period is pretty heart-breaking, but I have been dealing with that okay. It’s a full-stop and a restart button for your cycle and I’ve been okay with that.

For me, the hardest part is the 2WW – the two week wait. It’s that gap between when you may possibly have conceived and when you can find out if you are pregnant. In previous months, this is where the crazy was at it’s peak. It’s where I was peeing madly on sticks for the entire 14 days just longingly, desperately hoping for 2 lines. And it made me feel a bit psycho seeing 1 line each time.

This month is feeling different. I don’t FEEL pregnant. I’m pretty sure I’m not actually. So this 2WW is different. I’m not waiting on a positive. I’m not waiting on a baby. I’m just waiting on that restart button. Start again. Try again.

I’m not sure if the fact I’m chilled out about this is a sign that I’m calming down or if I’m already losing hope.

hope

B xx

CHAPTER FOUR: Not even a little bit pregnant.

6th August, 2015

I’m feeling pretty zen at the moment. We’ve had a lot on in the past week with a disappointment for the Captain at work, me being really sick and off work for a week and generally just busy.

I do love that I have less time to be nutty when I’m busy. It’s been nice. Like a vacay from Crazy-Town,

Pleased to say I haven’t peed on a stick in nearly a fortnght. I’m calling that progress.

But I’m not pregnant. Sometimes I have that crazed, niggling thought that “Maybe I’m actually already pregnant!”. Yes, because about a million BFN (big fat negative) pregnancy tests and a decidedly mean period could be wrong.

Not even a little bit pregnant.

keep-calm-i-m-not-pregnant-8

B

CHAPTER THREE: I need to stop peeing on things.

21st of July, 2015

pee on sticks

I need to stop peeing on things.

Okay. So not things. Sticks. I need to stop peeing on sticks.

Trying to conceive has truly turned a corner into crazy. I knew it was starting when I found the ovulation prediction kits and peed on those. I think I got the information I needed out of them. And I think it made me feel a little bit less helpless.

But now that I’m in that awful wait where I may or may not be pregnant, I’ve started almost obsessively doing pregnancy tests. NOW, contrary to my actions, I’m not an idiot. I realise that this is the first month of us trying to have a baby. And that even really good pregnancy tests couldn’t pick up a positive yet. AND that realistically there is very little chance that I will be pregnant. It makes me feel slightly more in control.

I may or may not have peed on all the pregnancy tests I have. There were a lot.

They are all negative.

And that’s okay.

I’m okay.

There is always another month. I can pee on things next month.

Eww. And sorry,

Bella

Things I’m Loving: Cheeta Recovery Tights

Sooo, it’s not much of a secret that I live in gym tights. Between my own training, working in schools doing physical activities with children and training adult clients – it’s literally the only wardrobe choice that makes sense.

I did a wardrobe clean-out the other day and sorted my clothes. NINETEEN pairs of tights. Crikey. And how many of those went in the to-donate pile? One.

I clearly have a problem.

But you see, I’m fussy. Because I wear them A LOT, I need tights to be dependable. I have basic pre-requisites for my tights. These are normally:

  • Not insanely expensive. I pay for good fabrics but I swear some brands think their tights are made of unicorn skin.
  • LONG or 3/4. Being 5’10, most “full length” tights are 7/8th pants on me and I’ve learned to deal but I love my ankles covered if I can. I won’t even start on the 3/4 tights that are the weird knee-shorts length. Urgh.
  • Versatile. I break this rule OFTEN. Every time I’m buying tights I think, “I should buy tights that I can wear with everything so I don’t need to bother matching anything”. And then I get distracted by WHOA, tiger print, YEE-HAA, giant roses, HEYHEY funky graffiti. So yes, this is a rule but one I will break for the right tight.
  • The sheer-butt issue. This is pretty much a blog post in itself but I’ll keep it short. I’m a PT, whether I like it or not when I am supervising, spotting, coaching clients, I see a lot of tights and know which ones are likely to go see-through. No-one likes it. It’s a pain in the clearly-visible ass.

SOOOO, when Jon from https://www.cheetarecovery.com.au/ emailed me asking if I’d be interested in trying a pair of their tights – I ran it through the checklist.

  • Pricing – If I was buying a pair, the full length tights are currently $60. That compared really well to other brands I had been looking at.
  • I wouldn’t know the length until I tried them on but the measurements looked promising. The models used didn’t look like teen-tiny humans which is always a clue.
  • They are all black, with a simple small logo on one quad. Super versatile right?
  • Sheer-butt issue – the great unknown. There have been tights from GREAT brands, that I paid A BOMB for that have still gone sheer when I squat or bend. But for a road-test – I was prepared to risk it.

So I agreed, and Jon sent me a pair of these:

Cheetarecovery

When they arrived I did the usual gasp – SO FREAKING SMALL. But they are a compression pant so unstretched and especially new, they looked tiny. The fabric is super soft but matte-finish which I like.

Things I hadn’t noticed on the website was the subtle seam-shaping through the butt and legs too. Also liked.

I tried them on and they are indeed super comfortable. I would describe them as a light compression style tight, certainly not the ‘spanx’ feeling that you get with some. Bonus was that you don’t get the squeezy muffin-topping that you can with those.

The waistband does sit higher on me than in the picture, but as a Mum of two with a c-section lower ab jiggle, I love that. The length was surprisingly good too. I won’t say they were super long but absolutely touching my ankle-bones which is a win.

But I can hear the screaming – Do Cheeta Recovery tights go sheer?? Well, do they?

Well, um, yes and no.

The proper answer is no. I am still wearing mine more than a month after receiving them. Happily training in them, wearing them to work and have even been known to layer them with dresses and boots on the odd occasion I was pretending to have clothes other than gym gear. And on all of these occasions, my butt was indeed not sheer.

But yes, while I was brutally testing them after receiving them, I COULD make the butt go sheer. In order to do that though I had to:

  • Pull them up high on my waist.
  • Pull the legs low down on my ankles.
  • Perform a full ass-to-grass squat or low stiff-legged deadlift WHILE
  • wearing patterned and/or coloured undies.

So really, no. Cheeta Recovery tights are not going to go sheer. I’ve seen much more expensive tights be sheer with far less provocation.

BUT – With all brands of tights, the simple steps for not baring your ass are the same.

  • Choose the right size – for me, this meant sizing up so that I chose tights appropriate for my height not my weight.
  • Put them on properly, like pantyhose (bunch them up, then inch them gradually up your legs evenly).
  • Wear solid coloured underwear.

To wrap up – I’m wearing them a lot, I love them and think they represent really good value. I wash mine 1-2 times a week on average and the logo is still intact (I don’t know about you but I hate the look of big peeling X’s on other tights!).

I train with both weights and spin classes in them a lot and haven’t had any issues with slipping or falling down either. They do have a drawstring but I honestly find the compression enough to keep them in place.

Certainly have a look at them and let me know what you think. I love that they have a money-back guarantee as well!

DISCLAIMER – Jon from Cheeta Recovery did indeed send me a free pair in order to have me road-test them but my opinion is definitely mine. If you’d like to snap yourself up a pair, check out https://www.cheetarecovery.com.au/ and feel free to use the promo code SAILORVEE to get 10% off. I don’t get a kick-back for that either – I just like making people happy!

Hope that helps in your shopping adventures!
Bella