CHAPTER TWO – TTC, BFN, OPK and other things I don’t understand.

The Preparing to be Getting Ready to Try – 1st of July, 2015

(AKA: how I’ll over-think my way to being pregnant)

Here’s a moment of honesty. I have not much of an idea about fertility, ovulation, much about the actual science of conception and how it applies to me.

It was literally this week that I had to admit to a friend that despite being a female for over thirty years, I have no idea on what my cycle length is. Or what day I ovulate. Or even if I ovulate at all. Erm, was I supposed to know this?

I freely admit that we didn’t have any trouble conceiving either of the boys. It was very much a ‘hey, let’s see what happens!’ sorta deal. Babies happened. Awesome.

But this time around I feel strangely stressed about it. I’m older (I’m 10 years older than when we first started planning our first baby!) and haven’t had a baby in about four years. And let’s be honest, I’m heinously impatient for most things in my life. This baby especially.

I started to google – yes – I know this is a mistake. Other than some weirdly graphic pictures and some advice about rituals with chickens I am pretty sure are not scientific, I nutted out the key terms that no doubt I’m going to live my life by for a while.

Pregnancy Abbreviations

So on the advice of my friend, I’ve started tracking my cycle. Which led to a brief moment of joy and a subsequent crash with a negative pregnancy test because my period didn’t arrive when the free app I downloaded told me it should have. Stoopid app.

But I’ve persisted. I deleted that app and got a new one with better reviews. This app is WAY intrusive in what it wants you to track, but hey, it wants to know all about your lady business for a reason I guess.

The second and better app I downloaded is called Ovia (http://www.ovuline.com/) and I have to admit now that I am over the constant questions, it’s pretty cool. I check it multiple dozen times a day. At least.

But then I got sucked even further into the conception rabbit hole. The app asks me if I’ve taken an ovulation test. HEY, I love tests! I’m great at tests! Let me start doing that!

So I bought tests. They are sticks you pee on that essentially tell you whether you are ovulating which indicates it’s time to get freaky. You know how I just said I love tests? More correctly, I love WINNING at tests. However, you cannot win an ovulation test. You cannot control the result. And if you google enough, you learn that even good quality ovulation prediction kits (or OPK as the cool kids say) are massively inaccurate and throw false negatives all the time. Awesome.

I feel the crazy intensifying. I know I need to chill out, but it’s almost laughably stressy in my head.

Breathe in, breathe out. Check an app. Repeat.

Bella

CHAPTER ONE – And so it begins

THE DECISION – 21st of June, 2015

Something strange and wondrous has been happening for more than a year. Something I didn’t expect and wouldn’t have predicted.

I was getting clucky for a third baby.

Yup. A third.

Family

Me with #1 and #2. They are aged 8 and 4 now!

We’d never even really discussed it, just assumed that Oz would be our last baby and just basked in the fun and craziness that is our two lovely boys. Oz was an easy baby in lots of ways, and such a happy-go-lucky soul that raising him is a joy. And Mr H is such a little man already at 8 and so smart and thoughtful that life is pretty easy. But somewhere in my brain, the thought of MORE babies was gnawing at me.

I thought it was just me. Just some of the ‘crazy’ that I’m happy to accept as part of my personality. I’ll always love tiny babies, the same way I freak-out with pure joy if I get to pat a puppy or hold a kitten. It never meant that I NEEDED more pets, just that I love them. But I thought it was only me.

It was The Captain who actually brought it up first. He’s an amazing dad. That awesome balance of stern and structured and silly and conspiratorial. And the thought had been gnawing at him in the silence too.

But kids are expensive! Especially when you value good education and good education (IN MY OPINION) is very hard to find cheaply. I spend a lot of money on it, because I value it. And that’s my choice. So what if a baby #3 meant giving that up? Do we not educate a #3 the same way we have H and Oz? Or pull everyone out to a cheaper education? ARGH – it hurt my brain.

But kids are AMAZING! We love our family. We love our boys. We love raising little humans into bigger humans. And what we kept coming back to was the over-arching thought:

In my elderly years, or on my death-bed, will I think to myself “Thank God I didn’t have more children. That money I saved was totally worth it.”?

Hell no.

So we decided that Baby #3 is a thing. A thing we are doing. At some point soon we are going to start trying for another baby.

And I am excited and delighted and terrified.

Pretty much just being a mum in a nutshell.

Stay Tuned,

Bella