CHAPTER TWO – TTC, BFN, OPK and other things I don’t understand.

The Preparing to be Getting Ready to Try – 1st of July, 2015

(AKA: how I’ll over-think my way to being pregnant)

Here’s a moment of honesty. I have not much of an idea about fertility, ovulation, much about the actual science of conception and how it applies to me.

It was literally this week that I had to admit to a friend that despite being a female for over thirty years, I have no idea on what my cycle length is. Or what day I ovulate. Or even if I ovulate at all. Erm, was I supposed to know this?

I freely admit that we didn’t have any trouble conceiving either of the boys. It was very much a ‘hey, let’s see what happens!’ sorta deal. Babies happened. Awesome.

But this time around I feel strangely stressed about it. I’m older (I’m 10 years older than when we first started planning our first baby!) and haven’t had a baby in about four years. And let’s be honest, I’m heinously impatient for most things in my life. This baby especially.

I started to google – yes – I know this is a mistake. Other than some weirdly graphic pictures and some advice about rituals with chickens I am pretty sure are not scientific, I nutted out the key terms that no doubt I’m going to live my life by for a while.

Pregnancy Abbreviations

So on the advice of my friend, I’ve started tracking my cycle. Which led to a brief moment of joy and a subsequent crash with a negative pregnancy test because my period didn’t arrive when the free app I downloaded told me it should have. Stoopid app.

But I’ve persisted. I deleted that app and got a new one with better reviews. This app is WAY intrusive in what it wants you to track, but hey, it wants to know all about your lady business for a reason I guess.

The second and better app I downloaded is called Ovia (http://www.ovuline.com/) and I have to admit now that I am over the constant questions, it’s pretty cool. I check it multiple dozen times a day. At least.

But then I got sucked even further into the conception rabbit hole. The app asks me if I’ve taken an ovulation test. HEY, I love tests! I’m great at tests! Let me start doing that!

So I bought tests. They are sticks you pee on that essentially tell you whether you are ovulating which indicates it’s time to get freaky. You know how I just said I love tests? More correctly, I love WINNING at tests. However, you cannot win an ovulation test. You cannot control the result. And if you google enough, you learn that even good quality ovulation prediction kits (or OPK as the cool kids say) are massively inaccurate and throw false negatives all the time. Awesome.

I feel the crazy intensifying. I know I need to chill out, but it’s almost laughably stressy in my head.

Breathe in, breathe out. Check an app. Repeat.

Bella

Two Years – Freedom is a cool thing

Can you believe it’s been two years since I sold my company, ventured into the wider, happier world and started this blog?

I’d love to say that I don’t remember that girl from two years ago. The one who felt bullied and devalued and nervous almost all the time. The one whose stomach rolled at the email notification sound on her phone because it was probably not good. The one who felt guilty for spending time with her family? For having a family! But I do. I remember her.

I also remember though, the strange and uncharacteristic moment where I said one sentence that changed the course of my future. Where I (before I believed or even understood it myself) dared to suggest that my worth was not able to be defined by a single other person. That indeed, I even had worth.

But I did. And I do. And I always will.

And two years on – I still have that hard-won freedom. I use it well. I live, love and grow with my family. We travel and laugh. I work – both in the gym as a trainer and in a community centre helping at-risk children and their families with health and wellness – because I love it and it enriches my life.

Life is good.

If you recognise any part of the old me, that girl from two years ago I have just one piece of advice;

Stand up. It may just be the best thing you ever do for yourself and the ones you love.

Peace Out,

SV

freedom

How to be Hot, Rich and Incredibly Happy

 

20140611133139

Guess what?

Feeling crazy hot, beautiful and positively attractive is not something that is out reach. You don’t even need to buy, take or sell anything to make it happen.

You don’t have to have a bucket-full of dollars to enjoy feeling financially confident.

You don’t have to earn the right to be happy.

You do not need to fight to be afforded peace.

Prepare to be a little bit open minded with me. I’m about to get all hippy up in here.

If I’ve learned anything in the last few years is that the greatest distance between where you are NOW and where you want to be – is the space between your ears.

The-greatest-distance

When we think about wanting to be crazy-hot, pretty or even just attractive – our mind immediately dashes into a dark corner thinking of the changes we need to make. “I’d need to exercise like a freak”, “I’d need bigger boobs/smaller bum/bigger bum/longer hair” and “I’d need to stop eating chocolate – oh hell, I’ll probably need to stop eating!”.

When we think about being rich, our poor little minds shriek again with thoughts of more hours at work, making more sales, getting a better job, doing more study, doing more, being more, making more, having more.

It’s not about forcing it.

What about if we retrained our brains to start thinking about our wealth and beauty in the same way it thinks about our happiness?

Because if I get you to close your eyes and think about becoming happier – being ‘more happy’, what do you see? I see my kids. And the Captain. And my dog. And us being together. Other than spending as much time with them as I can, there is no demanding thoughts of MORE. I can think about how I’d like to be happier with a smile on my face. Can you think about how to become richer or sexier with the same grin?

The difference is that when you think about happiness, your brain probably tracks first to what you ALREADY HAVE EXPERIENCED that makes you happy.

So think about how beautiful you are. Close your eyes and let your mind track first to the things you really like about yourself. Healthy shiny hair? Eyes the same colour as your amazing Nana’s eyes? Sexy quads or glutes that you can feel growing every session? Whatever these points are, embrace them as your beauty. Think of them first when you imagine yourself and how you look.

Think about your wealth. Think of all the things you have. A home to live in. Ability to access food to feed yourself and your family. Clothes on your back and shoes on your feet. Some additional resources to spend on the’extras’ in life. Want a reality check? If you earned AUD$20,000 or more in the last year – you are in the top 11% of the richest people in the world! The WHOLE world!

Richerthanyou

(To accurately check your own ranking, go play on the AMAZING website www.globalrichlist.com)

The key thoughts here are self-awareness and gratitude.

You are already beautiful, you just need to embrace and accept it.

You are already immensely richer than the vast majority of the world’s population and most likely already have a standard of living that most could never even dream of.

And if you close your eyes and think for just a second, you will already know what truly makes you happiest – you just need to make sure you always gravitate closely to it.

So to be hot, rich and incredibly happy – think first about the qualities that we already have. We can all grow and develop. Wanting more is not a bad thing. But the best launching points for stellar achievements are solid foundations and beliefs. You are already amazing.

It’s about knowing.

The truth is that the world, everything you long for, is waiting for you to realise your worth. Your right.

Freedom. Joy. Peace. Happiness.

LOVE.

SV

What’s a Band Wagon without Cyd anyway?

Whatever it is, I’ve pretty much been off it this week.

Way less than awesome food choices, not enough training, too much wine, essentially no water….

And I hate it. I can’t imagine that this used to be my life. So today I’m going back to normal.

Not getting on some freaking wagon though. Walking the walk. This is how I want to live 🙂

Love,

Sailor Vee

PS – The only good band wagon in my vocab is this one:

Band Wagon movie poster

Cyd Charisse and Fred Astaire together = bliss 🙂

Mainly because of this gorgeous creature who I wanted (and still want) to be when I grew up – Cyd Charisse. This was a kick-ass lady with LEGS and who knew how to use them 🙂

Cyd and Mr. Astaire

Cyd and Mr. Astaire

This is what I imagined I'd do for a living as a child. Sit around between takes looking glamourous :)

This is what I imagined I’d do for a living as a child. Sit around between takes looking glamorous 🙂

Legs! She had fantastically strong dancer's legs & wasn't shy about getting them out. Love her.

Legs! She had fantastically strong dancer’s legs & wasn’t shy about getting them out. Love her.