Why average is terrifying…

I’m not even going to apologise for not writing recently.

You know the deal by now:

  • I now have 3 kids – aged 9, 5 and 9 months. YIKES.
  • I adore working
  • So much so that I am back working four jobs (2 of which are my own small businesses)
  • I’m married to an equally hard-working shift worker who also works full time with 2 side roles

Life is flipping bedlam.

Really.

I struggle with writing for my own blog because I still struggle with so much on so many levels. I see reminder/flashback posts of what I was doing 2/3/4 years ago and think – wow, this morning I was chuffed that there were clean undies in the laundry basket, enough fruit to pack lunchboxes and I got out of the house remotely on time to get kids to school and myself to the office before I was noticeably late.

And by comparison to other days recently, that’s a fecking high point. Really.

But that’s normal right? A mum of 3, who works a lot, but also wants to hang out with her kids, who would also like to train 3-4 times a week and eat food that didn’t see a microwave more often is going to have those days. Those days where I fail on at least 2 of those points.

So why is it such a worry? Why am I so worried about people think I have an average life?

The truth I think is somewhere in the fact that my blog is still my imaginary friend. I still like to think that I’ve got a wicked privacy lock on here and it’s just my thoughts spilling across a keyboard for me to read at some later day.

And I hate that there is no adventure.

No ticking clock.

No grand achievements.

Me. I hate that. Not that I feel other people will be surprised or disappointed that I’m not a jet-setting superstar with abs and designer sunglasses.

Just the slow march of family life (which I love), of chipping away at work (that I love) in a calm and serene little island home (still love it).

So my options are: become more settled with an average life OR find a way to build a sense of adventure back in. On no free time, little sleep and other things to be spending large amounts of money on (so no selling up to live in a caravan for a year!).

It’s what I’m pondering today. Just being your average Sailor Vee.

What’s on your mind?

Thanks as always for being out there, my imaginary friends xx

SV

family-collage-august16

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: If you’re anxious and you know it…

The blog is rapidly approaching real-time.

The buffer that I created of a month between my real-world happenings and when the corresponding post goes live has all but eroded.

And I think I’m going to be okay with it. I think I’m mostly doing okay.

In case I wasn’t clear, I was having some real issues with anxiety for all of the early part of this pregnancy. That over-whelming worry that something was wrong, or would go wrong was just, well … over-whelming me.

Anxiety Girl - able to jump to the worst conclusion in a single bound!

Anxiety is a bitch. And unless you’ve really experienced it, is super hard to explain. Here’s a tip; being told to ‘calm down’ is not calming. Being told ‘everything will be okay’ does not actually reassure the person with anxiety. And telling them to ‘just breathe’ may very well result in you ‘just being throat-punched’.

People who suffer anxiety are most certainly not dumb. We understand and are usually more frustrated and upset with ourselves than you could ever possibly imagine because sometimes we aren’t capable of just breathing, calming down or being confident that everything will be okay.

But we are working on it. All. The. Time.

For me, the constant worrying has dropped back to a totally normal level of pregnant-mum concern. Stuff may still go wrong, but it probably won’t.

Today I am nearly 19 weeks pregnant. That’s nearly half way. Blueberry kicks, and wriggles and has been perfect on all of the scans we’ve had. I am healthy and happy and still doing all the things I did before.

I am okay. But not everyone is. Be kind. Always. Because you never know what other people have going on.

xx

Bella

CHAPTER FIVE: The Two Week Wait that Isn’t What I was Expecting

20/08/2015

Yeppers. I’m not chiming in here with excited pics of positive tests or ridiculously cloying birth announcements (don’t think for a second those posts and pics aren’t mentally planned and perhaps Pinterested away),

There is this evil time of month for every woman trying to fall pregnant. Well, at least one of the evil times, depending on your level of desperation.

For some, I understand the arrival of a period is pretty heart-breaking, but I have been dealing with that okay. It’s a full-stop and a restart button for your cycle and I’ve been okay with that.

For me, the hardest part is the 2WW – the two week wait. It’s that gap between when you may possibly have conceived and when you can find out if you are pregnant. In previous months, this is where the crazy was at it’s peak. It’s where I was peeing madly on sticks for the entire 14 days just longingly, desperately hoping for 2 lines. And it made me feel a bit psycho seeing 1 line each time.

This month is feeling different. I don’t FEEL pregnant. I’m pretty sure I’m not actually. So this 2WW is different. I’m not waiting on a positive. I’m not waiting on a baby. I’m just waiting on that restart button. Start again. Try again.

I’m not sure if the fact I’m chilled out about this is a sign that I’m calming down or if I’m already losing hope.

hope

B xx

CHAPTER FOUR: Not even a little bit pregnant.

6th August, 2015

I’m feeling pretty zen at the moment. We’ve had a lot on in the past week with a disappointment for the Captain at work, me being really sick and off work for a week and generally just busy.

I do love that I have less time to be nutty when I’m busy. It’s been nice. Like a vacay from Crazy-Town,

Pleased to say I haven’t peed on a stick in nearly a fortnght. I’m calling that progress.

But I’m not pregnant. Sometimes I have that crazed, niggling thought that “Maybe I’m actually already pregnant!”. Yes, because about a million BFN (big fat negative) pregnancy tests and a decidedly mean period could be wrong.

Not even a little bit pregnant.

keep-calm-i-m-not-pregnant-8

B

Why would you Even Meal Prep your Food?


So, my life is back to super busy, as I’m sure all of you are experiencing as well!  Whether you’re a student, working, have a family of your own (or knowing lots of you – doing all three!) life is busy and can get stressful.  Eliminate the stress and time factor of having to scrounge to find something appropriate at each lunch-time and having to cook every single night by meal prepping!  It saves you time in the kitchen and helps keep you on track with healthy eating!  You can prep and plan for just dinners, for lunch and dinner, or even all three main meals of the day and snacks too!  The amount of prep you do, depends on how much time you have to dedicate to prepping and your personal preferences.

I prep my lunches for the week, cut up my veggies for snacks, as well as all my dinners for the week.  At different times, I’ve prepped my breakfasts as well but I seem to have a bit more time in the mornings to make it now that the boys are a bit bigger.

So what exactly is meal prepping?  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, essentially it is planning and prepping your meals in advance for the week.  This means cooking items in bulk and eating leftovers!  For those of you who just groaned and are turned off to the thought of left overs, listen up, I used to hate left overs when I was younger, well actually up until I was at uni!  Now I rejoice in their existence and you should too!  Left overs are a wondrous time saver!

If prepping and planning can stop you eating off track and keeping you eating good wholesome and nutritious food one extra time each week – that’s a fantastic result and will certainly help you on your way to your goals faster!

And no, I’m not ‘preparing’ for anything special at the moment. Not competing, no shoots booked any time soon. This is just my life. And meal prepping is a life-hack I’ve really grown to enjoy and see the benefits of.

What do you do to keep your weeks prepped and ready to enjoy?

With hugs I prepared earlier,

Bella

7 Steps to achieve your Nutrition & Weight loss Goals

Oh hi there. I’m totally not one for pretending the struggle is simple, but I do believe in breaking things down into tasty, tasty bite-size chunks to make it easier.

Want to live a healthier life but don’t think you’re disciplined enough to stick to a plan to achieve that goal? Don’t worry Poppet! Self-discipline can be learned…

Even the smallest actions are steps in the right direction

Formulate a ‘mission statement’
Ask yourself what you want to accomplish with your eating, overall health and body. Is it to get your pre-baby body back or just tighten up a little? The answers will help you formulate your mission statement. One example might be: “My goal is to reach a healthy weight and feel more confident with my body.”

Develop role models
One excellent strategy for learning how to reach your weight loss goals is to model your behaviour after a successful achiever — someone you know who now has a healthier life, or an athlete with impressive work and training ethic . While you don’t have to follow that person’s exact goals and philosophy, you can match certain elements of their strategy for success that make sense for you and your diet.

Develop an action plan
First, identify and isolate any unhealthy behaviours that keep you from reaching your weight loss goal, then ask yourself how you would act if you had already reached your ideal weight. For example, if you normally stay at the office later than everyone else, you’re probably too tired to go to the gym when you finally do leave. So think about how you might leave the office earlier, in time to get to that 6pm class. Are there meetings you can get out of? Is there work you can delegate? Or can you motivate yourself to exercise at lunch instead?

Visualise your goals
Self-disciplined people form images of themselves achieving their goal. As dumb as it sounds, visualising the new healthy you helps the brain convert images into reality. If weight loss is your goal, imagine yourself looking and feeling fantastic in your new wardrobe or looking your best and being comfortable and relaxed at the beach — you’ll find it much easier to stick to a healthy diet and exercise plan with this image in mind.

Search for pleasure as you pursue your goal
Many people find delight, excitement and intense involvement in working towards a healthy goal. Even if the idea of the diet  changes and exercise needed to achieve your goal may not seem instantly gratifying, the overall feeling of accomplishment will be well worth it in the end, so hang in there. Don’t stress about any occasional diet slip ups or if it feels like you’re not changing at all at first – it takes time to reach a goal.

Section up your life
People who achieve weight loss goals have a remarkable capacity to divide up the differing spheres of their lives to stay focused on what they are doing at the moment. You can make continual improvements to your food choices and healthy meal options, for instance, while other aspects of your goal — like stress reduction — may require other strategies. Set aside some time to think about how your can take control of your life and implement these improvements.

Stop making excuses
If you want to reach your goal, concentrate your energies on healthy accomplishments and successes rather than on concocting reasons for what you haven’t done. To avoid this behaviour, write down all the reasons why you are unable to achieve your goal, like all your excuses not to exercise then write down ways you might overcome them. So what if you don’t have the money right now to purchase new workout clothes? Exercise in a t-shirt and shorts.
By following these seven supportive steps you can re-invigorate yourself about your ability to achieve your goals and maintain the healthy life the way you want it.

Let me know what works best for you!!

Making lists and taking names!
Bella

What’s up?

Yeah yeah, I know. Long time no writey.

Life has been busy. Wonderful but busy.

I’m setting new goals. It’s hard for me as I have really enjoyed the not being held to a strict time-dependent goal the way that competing is. Essentially, comp prep is “look AMAZING and LEAN in xx weeks or you will be an utter embarrassment”.

That’s pretty strong motivation.

There is an INBA show in 19 weeks.

  • I’m in a frame of mind where I don’t mind the dieting.
  • I’m enjoying my training
  • I have some bad-ass coaches
  • I feel like my body is capable of doing what I want of it.

BUT:

  • It’s a lot of pressure
  • I have a lot on with 2 jobs, 2 businesses, 2 kids, 1 husband and A LOT TO DO
  • My body is notorious for just packing up and falling apart when I stress too much.

SO:

All I can do is run it down. Try as hard as I can, staying as mentally balanced as I can and see where 19 weeks gets me.

Who’s keen to follow along? There’s no promises that it will always be pretty, or that I’ll get where I want to be in time – but I promise it will be real.

Weekly check-in is in 2 hours – eeeeeeep!

Love.

Bella

A beach I don’t remember….

I very rarely write about being a younger person with disordered eating. Partly because everything I knew and taught myself about hiding and being ‘succesful’ with it I learned through reading the forums, blogs, accounts and memoirs of other sufferers and survivors.  Their grim stories of ‘I was so unwell this is what I did’ became my plans. Their ‘at my worst I weighed xx’ became my goals. Awful but true.

Frankly though, I just don’t like talking about it. And I don’t need to.  I’m a decade past my last incident and am confident that I am okay.

Sometimes though, the world forces you to look back. To remenber. And for me, to be grateful.

I had an amazing friend at uni. Smart, funny, artistic and beautiful.  As friends we get along more like sisters. As teenagers that meant we drove each other crazy,  borrowed each others clothes and occasionally liked the same boys. And she happened to save my life that year.

Living with me is not fun. Never has been. Likely never will. Ask my parents,  sibling, the million flatmates, the Captain and my boys. But this year was particularly rough.

I would sometimes freak out so badly thinking I was so awfully fat that I couldn’t leave the house. I journalled obsessively and was a psycho about my privacy. I once got myself so upset about my body that I tripped out and stayed barricaded in the bathroom for quite a few hours, most of that in a cold shower.

She doesn’t ask questions,  my friend. She’s just there.

As the year went on; I started to get sick. Not the obvious skeletal sick,  but the worn-down slow-fade kinda sick.

She didn’t ask questions,  my friend. She told me to get in the car.
I was too tired to argue.

To this day I can’t really explain what happened next.

I think she kidnapped me.

I remember a winding road that made my stomach lurch.

I remember a small country supermarket with strip fluroscent lighting that gave me a panic attack so bad I had to wait outside for her, gripping the roof of her car praying for my heart not to explode.

And then, peace.

It was a tiny cabin. With books to read and cushions in the sunlight on the floor.

She still didn’t ask questions, my friend.

She did make me drink really strong blue Cottee’s cordial for the first and last time in my life. But somehow, the calories didn’t matter.

She didn’t force me to eat. She took me for a walk along the beach and when we got back, there was food. And I wanted to eat it. Because I wanted to be able to walk it again tomorrow. I wanted to be better.

I got to walk along that beach again today.

image

image

image

She never asked questions.  Not then. Not in the forever since then that she has continued to be an amazing positive presence in my life.

I am incredibly grateful. And lucky.

SV

******* This is where I stopped writing for a few hours toying with the idea of deleting this post *******

This is the other reason I avoid writing about my experiences.  If this post feels like it trivialises eating disorders or over-simplifies recovery – I don’t in any way mean it to.

My friend is not the magical unicorn. She did not cure me with blue Cottee’s and a walk on the beach. What happened there was she happened to know me well enough to see a crack in the wall I was building. It very well could have backfired. But for me, it was a start. I might add, the start of the next two years of relapses and fighting myself and learning to be okay.

If you or someone you know is struggling with disordered eating, I really recommend having a chat with these guys;
http://thebutterflyfoundation.org.au/%ef%bb%bfneed-help-now/

All my love in Health and Strength,
Bella

Full Belly not Fat Belly

I love it when I read things in my nutrition studies that actually apply directly to my experiences as a former chubster.

Something I read this week was about the concept of nutrient dense versus calorie dense foods. Sounds fascinating right? But as I broke it down in my mind it made so much sense to me.

You see, for the few years that I was obese it wasn’t because I was eating a LOT of food. In fact, everyone who knew me, including The Captain, would swear and declare that they almost never saw me eat. Part of that was that I was a terrible secret binge-eater. Years of disordered eating as I grew up makes it particularly easy for me to hide my habits around food from others. I’m like a self-destructive food Ninja.

But the main part was that I was whole-heartedly addicted to very calorie dense foods.

spiderman

 

 

 It means: A food with high calorie density provides a lot of calories in relation to the serving size. A food with low calorie density provides relatively low calories per serving size.

So it looks like this:

Caloric-Density

or terrifyingly like this:

Fast-food-and-apples

 

When I first started losing weight, I was mortified by the AMOUNT of food that I was supposed to be eating. How could it be that I had only been eating a small volume of food once or twice a day (with some snacks) and gaining weight like a prize cow but NOW I was eating buckets of food and losing weight? It really seemed like black magic. Except it’s not. It’s simply caloric density.

A plan consisting of foods with a lower caloric density meant I get to eat a lot MORE food for the same or less calories than my previous high calorie/low volume habits.

Foods that REALLY helped me fill the void left by my crappy diet were things that made me feel full and happy. Things I could eat a GIANT BOWL OF and feel a bit piggy. Because I still needed that mentally. Things like insane amounts of vegie sticks, air-popped popcorn, frozen berries straight from the freezer, a big bowl of fresh green peas…

These days, because I’ve had a few years of training myself to eat more regularly, not skip meals and incorporate more protein into my diet, I don’t get so ravenously hungry any more. While I still love that crazy full-belly feeling sometimes, I don’t NEED it. But in case you do, I hope this helps.

 

Nom Nom,

Bella xx

Guest Blogger – Nikky from ‘Lipstick and Motherhood’

Hey all – here’s a special guest poster for you today! Enjoy!
Bella

Hey Guys! My name is Nikky and I blog at Lipstick and Motherhood. When Bella offered me the opportunity to create a guest post I grabbed the opportunity with both hands because her blog is simply amazing and I couldn’t wait to interact with her lovely and loyal readers.
I blog about all things beauty and skincare, do reviews on products and tutorials on how to do certain makeup looks. I also like to talk about Weightloss, Motherhood and my love for my Thermomix. I have been on a weightloss journey for 18 months now.
 –

When it comes to weight loss, you mostly only hear success stories. Not many people are willing to say that they’ve tried and failed. As a matter of fact not many will tell you that they’re even attempting to lose the weight. I will put my hand up and admit that I’m one of those people. There are 2 people who know that I’m actively trying to lose weight and I know that they’re my biggest supporters.

Why won’t I tell anyone else? Because weight loss does not come easy to me. It never has and I don’t think it every will. See people who don’t have much weight to lose and haven’t struggled with it before just don’t understand how much willpower it takes to lose a single kilo.

Your willpower has to be strong, your mind set has to be in the right place and you have to be better organised than the military.
What goes wrong for me? The mind games. I have never understood struggle until I decided to loose the 40kg that I had in excess.  I want to lose it so bad, but my mind plays games big time. If I have a bad meal I would just go ahead and make it a bad week. If I miss one exercise session than I just don’t feel motivated enough at the next one and when the scales don’t place nice and show you’ve had a gain when you’ve worked really hard than that becomes very discouraging.  And then the roller-coaster starts all over again where bad eating is involved.

Nikky Nikky3 Nikky2

The mind is a funny thing. It can either help you get to where you want to go or really sabotage you.

I would love to know how the lovely readers of Sailor Vee have overcome this struggle and made their weight loss journey a successful one?

Nikolina xx