Why average is terrifying…

I’m not even going to apologise for not writing recently.

You know the deal by now:

  • I now have 3 kids – aged 9, 5 and 9 months. YIKES.
  • I adore working
  • So much so that I am back working four jobs (2 of which are my own small businesses)
  • I’m married to an equally hard-working shift worker who also works full time with 2 side roles

Life is flipping bedlam.

Really.

I struggle with writing for my own blog because I still struggle with so much on so many levels. I see reminder/flashback posts of what I was doing 2/3/4 years ago and think – wow, this morning I was chuffed that there were clean undies in the laundry basket, enough fruit to pack lunchboxes and I got out of the house remotely on time to get kids to school and myself to the office before I was noticeably late.

And by comparison to other days recently, that’s a fecking high point. Really.

But that’s normal right? A mum of 3, who works a lot, but also wants to hang out with her kids, who would also like to train 3-4 times a week and eat food that didn’t see a microwave more often is going to have those days. Those days where I fail on at least 2 of those points.

So why is it such a worry? Why am I so worried about people think I have an average life?

The truth I think is somewhere in the fact that my blog is still my imaginary friend. I still like to think that I’ve got a wicked privacy lock on here and it’s just my thoughts spilling across a keyboard for me to read at some later day.

And I hate that there is no adventure.

No ticking clock.

No grand achievements.

Me. I hate that. Not that I feel other people will be surprised or disappointed that I’m not a jet-setting superstar with abs and designer sunglasses.

Just the slow march of family life (which I love), of chipping away at work (that I love) in a calm and serene little island home (still love it).

So my options are: become more settled with an average life OR find a way to build a sense of adventure back in. On no free time, little sleep and other things to be spending large amounts of money on (so no selling up to live in a caravan for a year!).

It’s what I’m pondering today. Just being your average Sailor Vee.

What’s on your mind?

Thanks as always for being out there, my imaginary friends xx

SV

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CHAPTER THIRTEEN: If you’re anxious and you know it…

The blog is rapidly approaching real-time.

The buffer that I created of a month between my real-world happenings and when the corresponding post goes live has all but eroded.

And I think I’m going to be okay with it. I think I’m mostly doing okay.

In case I wasn’t clear, I was having some real issues with anxiety for all of the early part of this pregnancy. That over-whelming worry that something was wrong, or would go wrong was just, well … over-whelming me.

Anxiety Girl - able to jump to the worst conclusion in a single bound!

Anxiety is a bitch. And unless you’ve really experienced it, is super hard to explain. Here’s a tip; being told to ‘calm down’ is not calming. Being told ‘everything will be okay’ does not actually reassure the person with anxiety. And telling them to ‘just breathe’ may very well result in you ‘just being throat-punched’.

People who suffer anxiety are most certainly not dumb. We understand and are usually more frustrated and upset with ourselves than you could ever possibly imagine because sometimes we aren’t capable of just breathing, calming down or being confident that everything will be okay.

But we are working on it. All. The. Time.

For me, the constant worrying has dropped back to a totally normal level of pregnant-mum concern. Stuff may still go wrong, but it probably won’t.

Today I am nearly 19 weeks pregnant. That’s nearly half way. Blueberry kicks, and wriggles and has been perfect on all of the scans we’ve had. I am healthy and happy and still doing all the things I did before.

I am okay. But not everyone is. Be kind. Always. Because you never know what other people have going on.

xx

Bella

Two Years – Freedom is a cool thing

Can you believe it’s been two years since I sold my company, ventured into the wider, happier world and started this blog?

I’d love to say that I don’t remember that girl from two years ago. The one who felt bullied and devalued and nervous almost all the time. The one whose stomach rolled at the email notification sound on her phone because it was probably not good. The one who felt guilty for spending time with her family? For having a family! But I do. I remember her.

I also remember though, the strange and uncharacteristic moment where I said one sentence that changed the course of my future. Where I (before I believed or even understood it myself) dared to suggest that my worth was not able to be defined by a single other person. That indeed, I even had worth.

But I did. And I do. And I always will.

And two years on – I still have that hard-won freedom. I use it well. I live, love and grow with my family. We travel and laugh. I work – both in the gym as a trainer and in a community centre helping at-risk children and their families with health and wellness – because I love it and it enriches my life.

Life is good.

If you recognise any part of the old me, that girl from two years ago I have just one piece of advice;

Stand up. It may just be the best thing you ever do for yourself and the ones you love.

Peace Out,

SV

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How to be Hot, Rich and Incredibly Happy

 

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Guess what?

Feeling crazy hot, beautiful and positively attractive is not something that is out reach. You don’t even need to buy, take or sell anything to make it happen.

You don’t have to have a bucket-full of dollars to enjoy feeling financially confident.

You don’t have to earn the right to be happy.

You do not need to fight to be afforded peace.

Prepare to be a little bit open minded with me. I’m about to get all hippy up in here.

If I’ve learned anything in the last few years is that the greatest distance between where you are NOW and where you want to be – is the space between your ears.

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When we think about wanting to be crazy-hot, pretty or even just attractive – our mind immediately dashes into a dark corner thinking of the changes we need to make. “I’d need to exercise like a freak”, “I’d need bigger boobs/smaller bum/bigger bum/longer hair” and “I’d need to stop eating chocolate – oh hell, I’ll probably need to stop eating!”.

When we think about being rich, our poor little minds shriek again with thoughts of more hours at work, making more sales, getting a better job, doing more study, doing more, being more, making more, having more.

It’s not about forcing it.

What about if we retrained our brains to start thinking about our wealth and beauty in the same way it thinks about our happiness?

Because if I get you to close your eyes and think about becoming happier – being ‘more happy’, what do you see? I see my kids. And the Captain. And my dog. And us being together. Other than spending as much time with them as I can, there is no demanding thoughts of MORE. I can think about how I’d like to be happier with a smile on my face. Can you think about how to become richer or sexier with the same grin?

The difference is that when you think about happiness, your brain probably tracks first to what you ALREADY HAVE EXPERIENCED that makes you happy.

So think about how beautiful you are. Close your eyes and let your mind track first to the things you really like about yourself. Healthy shiny hair? Eyes the same colour as your amazing Nana’s eyes? Sexy quads or glutes that you can feel growing every session? Whatever these points are, embrace them as your beauty. Think of them first when you imagine yourself and how you look.

Think about your wealth. Think of all the things you have. A home to live in. Ability to access food to feed yourself and your family. Clothes on your back and shoes on your feet. Some additional resources to spend on the’extras’ in life. Want a reality check? If you earned AUD$20,000 or more in the last year – you are in the top 11% of the richest people in the world! The WHOLE world!

Richerthanyou

(To accurately check your own ranking, go play on the AMAZING website www.globalrichlist.com)

The key thoughts here are self-awareness and gratitude.

You are already beautiful, you just need to embrace and accept it.

You are already immensely richer than the vast majority of the world’s population and most likely already have a standard of living that most could never even dream of.

And if you close your eyes and think for just a second, you will already know what truly makes you happiest – you just need to make sure you always gravitate closely to it.

So to be hot, rich and incredibly happy – think first about the qualities that we already have. We can all grow and develop. Wanting more is not a bad thing. But the best launching points for stellar achievements are solid foundations and beliefs. You are already amazing.

It’s about knowing.

The truth is that the world, everything you long for, is waiting for you to realise your worth. Your right.

Freedom. Joy. Peace. Happiness.

LOVE.

SV

Bogans and Beer Cans

In my head, I still have dreams that I might one day grow up to be an elegant lady. Highly, highly unlikely given that I am now in my (quite early) thirties but still regularly trip over my own feet, leave the house without brushing my hair, my teeth or some either vital aspect of proper presentation. But most of the time I give looking like a decent grown up a red hot go.

The exception is my slippers. You see, it gets cold here on the frozen island. As soon as I walk in the door, from the months of April to October, I put slippers on. But not just any slippers. Tall ugg boots. The shameful but accurate unofficial uniform of the great Australian bogan.

But what is a bogan? Just in case you are blissfully unaware:

bogan

I should be ashamed. Really. Proper ladies do not wear ugg boots. But I do. However, there are rules.

– My ugg boots must not ever been seen beyond the limits of our letterbox.

– Even then, I must make sure there are no cars in the street if I make the dash to the letterbox with my boots on.

– I will deny, if asked in public. that these are my favorite shoes.

– If the doorbell rings and I don’t know who is there, I take my boots off before opening the door. You never know, Prince Harry AND George Clooney are both still single.

But in my darkest moments, when I worry about my affection for bogan footwear I have one consoling thought;

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis (one of the classiest and most elegant women in history) had a proud and very extensive collection of beer cans.

On’ya Jackie.

SV

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Carrot or Stick?

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I often think about the ‘carrot or stick’ schools of learning. Do you learn new habits best when you are rewarded for getting things right (2 days Diet Coke free = get a good coffee somewhere) or when you are taught a lesson with a punishment of some sort (Diet coke again – no coffee for 2 days)? I ponder both sides of this coin a lot.

I also spend a lot of time on the internet reading. Sometimes it’s intelligent stuff, sometimes it’s just drivel that I find while randomly clicking my way around the webiverse.

The other night I found myself on an internet weight-loss forum and someone posted in a thread about their use of the anti-addiction drug Antabuse.

So of course I googled it. Essentially Antabuse is taken daily and creates a violent and very real allergy-like reaction whenever the patient has even a small amount of alcohol and to some types of drugs too. Even though the medication is taken daily, the effect remains in the patient’s system for up to 14 days so even if you had the fore-sight to think that you might like to change your mind and drink/get high again – you have to chill out for 14 days or get super duper sick. That’s a lot of time to think about why you gave it up in the first place and re-think your decision to go back.

I thought it was pretty cool. It’s a pretty big stick.

For the person writing in that forum, that’s what worked for them. More than getting a ‘chip’ at AA or a treat for staying sober for xx months. The real fear of “instantly  turning into a shaking, vomiting hot-mess”  was the motivator that worked.

As I do, I started wondering that should a similar drug exist for overeating exist (it doesn’t, I googled)  would I do it? Would you?

SV

Balance is Harder than it Looks.

I try to be honest in that my motivation to be hard-core and strict has waned since last year.

After the mammoth weight loss and then going straight into competing –  I burned out. I wanted to enjoy my life and eat meals with my family that weren’t broccoli and chicken from Tupperware. I wanted to actually spend some time with my kids, rather than picking them up from school/child-care only to drive them to the gym to put them in more child-care while I trained. I wanted to be able to train because I enjoy it and the way it makes me feel, not because of a terrifying deadline looming. I wanted to be able to see my food as something more enjoyable than it’s breakdown of calories/carbs/fats/proteins and to be able to look at my body and not see my weight or my body fat percentage.

So I changed how I eat and how/when I trained. This wasn’t as much of a conscious decision as it sounds. Just a lot of small choices about my priorities right now.

The upside of this is that I am SO MUCH HAPPIER than I was in September. I’m more relaxed about everything which  makes me a better mum, a better wife and generally much less of a psycho to live with.

The downside of course, is that my body doesn’t look the way I like it to.

And that’s where I’m at right now. Happy with my life, happy with my quality time with my kids and husband but not entirely thrilled (or particularly upset) with the way that I look. I’m working on the physical side of my life but am dedicated to finding balance. As much as I enjoy competing, and enjoy the bit of a lark when I can be uber-thin – I love feeling like a happy healthy human being who can interact fully in society more. I’ve had a birthday recently and I feel like I’m old enough now to accept that anything that asks me to give up and lose more than I can hope to gain isn’t going to make me happy.

I’m having a great time working on health and wellness for children in disadvantaged areas and I do sometimes wonder what on my death-bed (in my very old age) I’ll look back on and wish I did more of. What about you?

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For me at the moment, it all comes down to balance. I KNOW that I can achieve what I want without giving up what I love. I just need to make it happen.

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Happy Saturday,

SV