I adore my life. Now.
In the strangest turn of events I somehow lost everything that was dragging me down in one fell swoop this year. The 35 kilos was literally dragging me down. Corey made me hold 2 x 20kg plates in the gym this week and I really wanted to cry at the impossibility that I could ever have been so heavy. At the time though, being that weight was just my reality.
But it’s not just the physical weight. Sometimes because I am SO focused on my goals for the remainder of this challenge, I forget about the ‘other stuff’.
Minor stuff, like the fact I was pushed into selling my shares and leaving my company and feeling a bit lost without it. But again, it’s only now that it’s gone that I realise the enormous weight and pressure I was under.
Being in a working relationship that’s unhealthy isn’t actually much different at all to being in a bad personal relationship. You try to make things okay. You try to please. You live in fear of causing anger or annoyance. You think that it’s just a bad patch you need to get through.
It isn’t. It’s toxic and that fear and doubt pervades every aspect of your life. That was also my reality.
In that way the take-over was very much like a divorce. It was a whirlwind of dealing with the betrayal and ruthlessness by people that you loved, but also that ‘call to arms’ to stand up for what was correct and to protect what I deserved. In the middle of that particular hurricane, the emotional weight was almost unbearable at times. But I did it. And it’s done.
So now I’ve done the job of mentally racking the emotional weights and letting them go.
I’m infinitely lighter. And free.
The weights that I carry from here forward are all of my own choosing.
I saw this today and it speaks so loudly to me and where I am in my own mind: