Being inspired is easy. See it, like it, want it. Want to own it, want to be it. It’s our inner toddler. Simple.
Being inspiring? It’s much weirder.
I was speaking to a friend this week who KNOWS that she inspires me. Hell, she inspires a whole lot of people. I secretly thought it might be quite nice to be an inspiration. To have people hold up the idea of you and what you achieve/have/are as something they want for themselves.
When I think about it more – I wonder if it would be cool though. There is something weird in modern human nature where we see big success, but remove ourselves from the possibility of achieving it.
I remember being at my heaviest, looking at the massive weight loss stories in the magazines and each time, there was something in my head that made me think that it must have been easier for them than it could be for me. Sometimes I clung to the obscure differences (she doesn’t have kids to take up all of her time etc) but other times I didn’t even voice it in my head. I just flipped the page while subconsciously pushing a door in my mind closed a little tighter. As though what that person had achieved wasn’t real. Because I didn’t feel that I could do the work to achieve it, I was sure that they couldn’t have done it either.
I was actually de-motivating myself by other people’s success.
As I continue to achieve what I want, both by losing the weight and also branching out and becoming braver as a person, I keep meeting inspiring people. Sometimes they’ve been told a lot that they are inspiring. Sometimes they have no idea.
Sadly, sometimes these beautiful people have been told by people (like the sad, scared ‘old me’) that they are intimidating for posting the workouts they do, or the challenges they take on or by showing the massive changes they’ve made to their lives. People suggest that there must have been some secret that made it easy for these people who have succeeded. And silently, that suggests it isn’t fair. As if these inspirational people somehow diminish other people’s efforts by being their awesome selves and achieving more.
I’ve decided I quite like not being the inspiration. I like being the narrator. My journey is my journey and I’ve worked hard at each slow step of it. I’ll tell you all about it. If you are ready to really hear.